Anxiety Dreams, PART DEUX

{Picture was appropriate for my dream, it was a few years ago before my very first triathlon, which I was very prepared for!!)

Well, I am grateful for all the feedback from my fellow adoptive parents, that anxiety dreams are NORMAL, because I had another weird dream last night. The only good thing is that it makes me glad when my alarm goes off at 5 even when I don't really want to get up and run. :)

Ok, before I forget it, here is my dream.

Sandi and Shannon were coming to get me for "swim practice". Sandi was driving a bus. I went out to get in the bus, but I realized I didn't have my swim suit or my goggles. So, I asked them to wait and I went back in my house to find them. Of course, it took me forever to find my swim suit and goggles. Joe was leaving for work and Sean was like, "Mom, where are you going" I said, oh, just to swim practice. You won't be alone long" (I never leave Sean alone, he's not really old enough yet and he's a big chicken anyway). Before long, Sandi and Shannon knock on the door because I am taking so long. They come in, along with a bunch of other people (I guess the people on the bus). They were checking out my house and checking out the baby's room.
I guess we missed swim practice, because we all were just sitting around talking. I think we were getting pedicures. We were talking about how we were running the Chicago marathon the next day. I said, well, I am NOT at all trained for this, I haven't run further than 13 miles, I Hope I get thru it. (It's very unlike me, I ALWAYS prepare for marathons, some people can "wing" it, but I sure can't. If I don't do the miles, I wouldn't do the marathon) Then, I'm leaving for the airport, and I'M LEAVING SEAN HOME BY HIMSELF. I told him, I'll just be in Chicago for the marathon, just call me if you get scared. Then ,I'm at the airport and I'm realizing I forgot my goggles and my swim suit, and wondering how i'm going to have time before the marathon to get these things.
Then my alarm went off! YAY! SAVED BY THE BELL! Except, since when do you run a marathon in goggles and a bathing suit....


This one was a lot easier to analyze. I'm not feeling prepared, and "expect the unexpected", hence the bathing suit for the marathon? Sandi and Shannon have both arrived safely and in Kaz and will be meeting their daughters tomorrow.
They seem relaxed, excited, and happy. However, back home, their friend is a wreck!!
However, I do see a lot of parallel's between training for an event like a triathlon or marathon, and this adoption process. You get your training program, and you follow it for many weeks to get yourself ready for the event. You follow your dossier checklist from you agency in putting all that stuff together. You may have to modify your training program due to injury or illness or just life getting in the way. You made have to unexpectedly update or apostille a new document, or find a new doctor whose license doesn't expire, or even have the region closed you were told you were going to, or your dossier may get stuck at the MFA for 4 months, just like you could be waylaid in training by any number of things. However, when the day comes, you are prepared. You got up so many early mornings and sweated your butt off to prepare yourself for this day. However, many a time, I was at the starting line, and wanted to cry, because I was scared. I didn't think I was ready, what was I thinking. But, low and behold, I was ready, I got thru it, I had fun, and the race was a wonderful event that made me feel empowered and confident.
I still vividly remember when I turned 40, my goal was do an olmypic distance triathlon (.9 mile swim, 24 mile bike, and a 10k (6.2 mile) run. I signed up, but I was scared to death. I got my training program, and started. I was ready, but that morning, lining up at Disney before the .9 mile swim, I was FREAKED OUT. I looked over at Joe and SEan and said "I can't do this!! I want to quit!!!" I seriously wanted to throw up. But, the horn blew and off I went. It was fun-I was fine, and I blew away the goal I had set for myself by 20 minutes. Sigh, now I wish I still had that drive to be in such good shape. :)

With regards to Baby Kaz, I'm still in the scared phase. I've been lined up at that starting line for several months now. I know I don't want to quit, but I'm ready for the empowered and confident stage. I dont think that will happen until I land in the good ole USA with my daughter and walk out with her (not one of my borrowed friends babies, but MY DAUGHTER) in HER Ergo. :)



Oh well, I'm sure I can entertain Baby Kaz with all these stories one day, right?