We just rec'd an email from our agency that due to the length of time it's taking to get a court date in Kaz, that 2 trips will now be required as sometimes the date for a court hearing can take up to 5 weeks. I had seen this coming, (one advantage to excessive blog stalking!!) and actually, I think it works out better for our family.
I am leaning towards going to meet our child, staying for bonding and filing the court papers, then coming home and waiting for our court date. Once we get the court date, I'd like to go back and stay for court, the 15 day waiting period, and the trip to the embassy to get baby's passport and visa. I think it would be better to bring Sean on the second trip. This way, we would know more what to expect, after having been once already, and he can still see the country where his sister was born, and also have a chance to bond with us and his sister before we come home.
I know it will be hard to leave the baby after you've met her, as this seems like it's harder on the baby and the parents for bonding purposes, BUT, in reality, it also seems easier to not have to pack for 8 weeks, as it's hard to leave home and work and school for that long period of time.
Of course, I still don't know when we're going, but it takes a lot off me worrying about Sean and leaving home for that long.
For those families who have traveled already, what do you think?
Do you think bringing my son along for the 2nd trip would make more sense?
Thanks for your input! I love my blog advice-it's the best!!!!
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18 comments:
First off—I got on to your site!!!! Hip, hip, hoorah.
Now what's this new news? Two trips? I can't keep up with all this—who's on first, no what's on second. Yikes.
Yes, I agree, taking Sean on the second trip makes more sense. But who wants to take two 32 hour trips? (Not me.)
Hi Susan,
Like you, Glenn and I have been talking about this "under the radar", as it seems like we are watching this process change real time before our eyes via blogs. It also seems like many families have already made that decision to break it into two (or even three) trips, even without specific agency guidance to do so. I have always said "I will not leave", but that was when I thought I was facing 60-75 days max in country. As it seems to be stretching into 3-4 months and further unknown, I don't see how I could swing that, and I'd have to get a part-time job in the meantime to make up for extra cost and extra lost wages! (Only half kidding....) While it is going to be horrible to think about leaving after bonding, in a weird sort of way it's yet one more decision that is taken out of our hands and put in greater hands (be it Kaz or God or whomever!). We just have to have faith that all will be fine in the end, and we will be home and bonded as one big loving family.
I think having Sean there on trip 2 would be a big help for you ... not only in bonding, but in helping you once you have your daughter with you, etc. (One more person to carry water jugs up five flights of stairs -- LOL!).
I'll let you know if/when I hear something more "official" on this issue from my agency.
You would think after as many adoptions as this country has partaken in that they would have a good plan in place. Makes you realize that it is not up to men, but our Awesome God! What does Sean think? He is a smart young man and his input will be valid. He will have many people here looking out for him. It will be hard to leave after meeting your princess, but absence makes the heart grow fonder, or so they say. Keep praying, God will lead the way. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I would have love to have taken our older kids on the 2nd trip. Not the first one because it was more important for us to be bonding with the baby on that trip. We actually talked about my daughter going on the 2nd trip but it was too late to get her a passport.
As far as leaving the baby after bonding... we had a hard time with that too. Missing home helped make it easier to leave though. The baby was actually fine with being left behind for 25 days. The second my husband walked in the door on returning our son jumped up and ran right to him. (he was 15 months old at the time) They remember and they are happy to see you!!!
For older children I think it's better to stay. Although the change in how they are doing things is making that nearly impossible now. For Chidren two and under... I don't think they really notice we are gone.
I think you should trust your gut. I haven't done this before, so I cannot give advice except to say that you seem to have a pretty good head on your shoulders so I think you'll make a good, solid decision that works for your son and your new little one - and for you!
I think that's a great idea! Very well thought out! Jim and I did one trip (court was 7 days after the bonding period ended) because we wanted the extra bonding time, and while we don't regret our decision or a single MINUTE of our trip, we both admitted (as did the other 4 families that were there with us), that in all honesty, there wasn't a lot of bonding going on during the baby house visits. Yes, we all got to know our beautiful children, and they got to know us, and we wouldn't trade that for the world as it's so beneficial, but really... how much can 3 people bond when only given 2 hours a day? The other 4 families left during the waiting period while we stayed. I'm sure there was a little difference at the end of the duration, but I don't think there was much. Anyway... I'm rambling. Suffice it to say that Jim and I both agreed that if we go back to Kaz for kid #2, we'll definitely entertain the idea of doing 2 trips. No decisions yet, but we're open to it. Given our experience, I think your idea is wise, and takes into consideration everyone's needs- yours, Sean's, and Baby Kaz's. My two cents.
I think it's a great idea to take Sean on the second trip. We had originaly planned two trips when we went this summer but once there, i just couldn't leave. It would have cost about the same either way if you did not count lost wages. :) Plus I REALLY did not want to fly there and back again. The trip is NOT fun. It was 10 days from the end of bonding to our court date.
Everything will work out fine. Once you get home with the cutie pie, it will all be good. :)
Greetings from Astana,
Thanks for sending us the invite to the blog. It is always good to hear and share each other's experiences. It sounds as though your plan with Sean is a solid one and one you and Glenn feel comfortable with, so go with it. Take Care.
Steve
Hi Susan! When we went to Kaz we decided to do two trips. As hard as it was to leave our son after court he was only 9 months old and we knew he had no concept of time. Also, you could see how he responded to his caregivers, we knew he would be taken care of. Being home after court allowed us to get everything together at home, all of our shopping and organizing done. When we came home with our son we didn't feel rushed because we had gotten everything done ahead of time. I think it would be wonderful for you to take your son on the second trip, it will be great for him to start to bond with his sibling and also to experience the culture of Kaz. I agree with Jennifer about the bonding time spent in the babyhouse. You are in room for two hours and some days it is even a shorter amount of time. Sometimes you get to feed them or change them but you still feel like the caregivers are in charge. I'm sure that you will make the right decision for you and your family. I am getting so excited for you and hope everything moves quickly!
A girlfriend gave this fortune cookie fortune to me today:
Two small jumps are sometimes better than one big leap.
:)
I can totally relate to your concerns with leaving your child, I too fear that I will be a complete heap of emotions when leaving her, but on the other hand, there has been some relief in my packing & work life knowing that I will return in-between trips. Ugh! 3-4 months, that is just insane!
Christy
You know I am a big fan of one trip. I know it is a long time to be away but man it is awesome to spend that time with your child without distraction. There was no way I could leave her for that long. Having said that, it all depends on your family and situation. I am sure it depends on the region you go to.
I think the 2nd trip does make more sense! :)
2 trips seems fine and I agree your thoughts to take your son on the 2nd trip seems best. I hope things don't change further tho. The thought of 3 trips feels over-whelming to me so I'm praying things don't change even MORE such that eventually all regions are taking 3 trips.
Whoa...this is the first I've heard of this. Yikes. I haven't been able to blog-stalk as much since we returned from vacation, so I'm really feeling out of the loop.
The bright side is that it does take some of the tough decision-making out of our hands.
Hi Susan -
Our agency has been encouraging (not requiring) 2 trips for a while now. On this first trip we will have the bonding period and go to court. We will come home for the 15+ day (and I typically think it is a little more than 15) period and then we will fly to Almaty to pick up our child there. In our case the first trip is considerably longer. The second trip is approximately 1 week.
For Sean, I would go with your gut and do what you feel would be best for him. Another family travelling with us will be taking their 6 yr old on the first trip. They got approval from his school and I believe they will be doing some school work on the trip.
Sonya
I know you, and you'll be stressin on your first visit. I would take the first trip sans Sean, get your feet wet, and then all jump in together on the second trip. I wish I could go too!!! Let me know if you are needing me to stay with Bubba while you're gone. Love you!
I think it's an excellent idea. We're planning on taking our boys on the 2nd trip of our adoption (Russia requires 2 trips also, but with several months in between each) for similar reasons. Primarily, I can't imagine having to leave them for several weeks and I'd love for them to have that special time with her in her native country also.
Awesome blog music, by the way!! He is AWESOME!!!
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