I'm so dizzy, my head is spinnin......{very long post}

Remember that song back from 1993 by Tommy Roe? ( I did not know who sung it, I looked it up) but it went..."I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning, Like a whirlpool it never ends, and it's your girl making it spin, you're making me dizzy"

That is how I've felt since we got our elusive LOI on Monday. It's such a surreal feeling. The one piece of paper that you've been waiting and waiting and waiting for FINALLY COMES, and after you scream of excitement and call your family and close friends and announce it on your blog, then ...EMOTIONAL PARALYIS sets in. I didn't expect to feel like I did. I was totally and completed FREAKED OUT. I wanted to dig a deep hole in the sand on the beach, never to emerge again. My stomach was a mess, I had no appetite, and when I did eat, my stomach would hurt until I threw down some Pepcid. I walked my dog, and couldn't remember if I had gone down the street already or not, as my mind was so pre-occupied. I think we went longer than we usually do because I was having to tug Miles along (he is my 100 lb labradoodle) and he panted for like 2 hours when we got back. Joe asked what I did to him and if I made him run a marathon. :)


It was so surreal looking at this document, that I can't understand, and all I can read is my name and my address. Joe asked me if I was sure it wasn't a contract to have us killed, since we don't know what it says. LOL. Thank goodness for my husband. He is always so calm and positive and his dry sense of humor just makes me laugh. I am SO GLAD I have him. God really knew what he was doing when he put us together.

I have now settled down (somewhat) but my stomach is still not normal. In fact, I am callling this new diet the 'LOI DIET' because FINALLY I am able to lose a few lbs that I have been trying to lose now for awhile.

After Tuesday, my day of "emotional paralysis", I got to work on Wednesday and started trying to organize my chaotic thoughts. By Friday afternoon, my new dossier was done! I just have to have it finish being notarized and apostilled, but we are waiting for the notary at Joe's work to get her new stamp and she is going to notarize it for us. That was a huge weight off my back. I got confirmation from the USCIC that they rec'd my request for new fingerprints (They don't expire until end of October, but I am paranoid and would rather be safe than sorry). My social worker is on vacation until July 2nd but hopefully she can update our homestudy is a jiffy.
I started to organize all my "tips" that i've received over the last year in a notebook. I started to feel a lil better.

When I first started the adoption journey, I was so excited and nervous. However, you are so busy with everything and collecting documents and figuring everything out. Then, it's finally done, and you wait. You go thru the steps of translation, embassy arrival, region assignment, etc. And you wait, and you wait, and you wait. Then, I started to wonder, if this is really real. Is it really going to happen? I prayed a lot, and started seeing signs, that to me, was God telling me that yes, you are on the right path. I can't even tell you the incredible experiences I had even this week, as I have been "emotionally paralyzed", and how the people I have met seem to have been strategically placed in my life to remind me once again...TO HAVE FAITH! I have cried so many times I've lost count.

I have answered the same questions, over and over.
No, we don't know the child are are going to meet. No, we don't know the gender, or age, or sex. We really don't know anything. We know that we "requested" a little girl, under the age of one, but we don't know if a little girl is waiting for us.

My HILARIOUS husband was sharing our news with the ladies in his office. One lady said we'd have to get on it to get the nursery together. Joe said, "Oh, no, that's been done for a year. My wife is obessive". She said, well, you will need clothes and toys for the baby too, and Joe said, "oh no, we don't even know for sure the age or the gender of this child, but Susan has a wardrobe for a girl aged newborn to 14, and we can't recycle Sean's toys, so she had to buy all new ones"
I do NOT have a wardrobe for size newborn to age 14, BUT, I do have 6 months to 24 months. Sorry dude--a year of waiting makes a girl anxious!!

I think back to when I met my husband.




We met at work, and I had talked to him on the phone, (he has A fabulous deep voice!!)but had never met him 'In real life" . A friend introduced us, and then called me to ask if I was dating anyone exclusively. I was NOT interested in Joe. He was "TOO OLD" and he had "too much baggage" and I had been thru a divorce and didn't need that. Well, he was persistent, and asked me out 4 times. I kept hearing from everyone who knew him how WONDERFUL he was and what a great guy he was. FINALLY, He asked me out on a Monday, for a Saturday night. (His previous dates were turned down, because he'd ask out on a Friday, for a Saturday. Reason being he was a single dad to 2 kids, aged 12 and 15,and he never knew until the last minute if he had a free evening). He called me on Friday, for a "pre-date" date, before our real date. I did actually, have plans, but i cancelled them. Our pre-date "date" went very well, and "broke the ice". Our first date was awesome. And, you know the rest of the story. We dated for 3 years, and have been married for 11. His "baggage" is now almost 26 and 28. :)
I didn't "expect" to ever marry a man who was 10 1/2 years older than I was, much less, with 2 teenage kids!!!! Was it always easy? No!! Was it worth every thing we've gone thru, even thru rebellious teen years? YES! Although, sometimes, I wasn't so sure!!!

It looks like we will be leaving for Kaz on July 31st or so. I'm still looking into flight arrangements. We cannot arrive in Kaz prior to August 1st, so we won't be meeting our kiddo until Monday, August 3rd. We are planning on at least
2 trips. Sean, Joe and I will go on trip one, and stay thru pre-court (which seems to average a week after bonding). Court typically is at least 30 days after the end of bonding. Joe and I will go back for court. It's undecided at this point whether we will both stay the remaining 3 ish weeks, or if I will stay and Joe will leave, or if we'll both leave and just come back to take Baby Kaz home. We'll just have to see how it goes. Sean starts school August 20th, so hopefully he will miss very little school, and will still get to see Kazakhstan and hopefully meet Baby Kaz. I am still waiting to hear if Sean is allowed in the baby house. Sometimes kids are not, but I also know we'll be taking baby Kaz outside, so maybe Sean is allowed outside. There is so much that is unknown-but we'll just have to "go with the flow" so they say.

I will close this very very long post with what keeps me hangin in there, and keeps my "eye on the prize" and my heart from seizing in fear of the unknown. I have met these families before they had their "Baby Kaz's" and it's proof that it is REAL and what a blessing these kids are.

I have read for 2 months about Alyona, Andrey, and Alexa. They are all adorable, sweet, healthy, smart, gorgeous kiddo's!! It was such a pleasure to meet these REAL LIVE KAZ KIDS in the flesh!!



The Group shot..Alexa was not happy because Shannon took her away from playing. Alexa is an adorable happy happy girl and she loved flirting with Joe!
Shannon is a very relaxed and happy Mommy too. It was so great seeing them together!!!





















Alyona huggin on Sean. Alyona is a TRUE diva in every sense of the word. She is smart, very polite, very sweet, and VERY INTO princessess. She was hilarious. She was very proud to show me her room. She fits right into this family of performers. Her English is VERY impressive.
















Andrey is "all boy" and is a lil peanut with a ton of energy. He is very sweet and very very cute. He loves his "machina" (car) that we brought him. Sean was busy playing with the kids. On the way home, he declared, he was "exhausted". JUST WAIT SEAN, JUST WAIT!
Sean didn't believe that he was so active when he was 3.


The song that I will be hangin on to from now until we leave is George Michael's tune "Faith"....I've got to have FAITH FAITH FAITH!! BABY!!!